Opening offer: You bring us dinner in exchange for one half (1/2) of one can of Diet Dr. Pepper, unlimited tap water and two (2) cups of Brita filtered water.
Counter offer: You pay for your own food and make it one third (1/3) of one can of Diet Dr. Pepper.
Counter-counter offer: You’re negotiating down?
Counter-counter-counter offer: Yes.
We accept.
I was once a faithful reader of the website Overheard in New York. I was both appalled and highly entertained at the crazy stuff people say when they think no one is listening. My friend and I made up a few of our own that reflect some of our daily interactions with the public. Some are true, others are mostly true, and the rest are completely made up. Let’s see if you can tell which are true and which are not.
Overheard in the Library #1:
Twinky 1: I like totally use the Library all the time!
Twinky 2: Wow, you must read a lot.
Twinky 1: No… I just come here for the DVDs.
Overheard in the Library #2:
Jackass: I’m not paying that fine. I know I returned that book on time.
Clerk: Ok. Later. <walks away>
Jackass: I’m not paying!
Clerk to self: Whateva, sucka.
Overheard in the Library #3:
Clerk: Excuse me ma’am, you can’t bring your pet in the library.
Woman: But he’s my guide.
Clerk: Ma’am, he’s a chicken!
Woman: What? You don’t like chickens?!?
Overheard in the Library #4:
Lady: Can you tell that woman on her cell phone to be quiet?
Clerk: No, I can’t.
Lady: Why not? She’s disturbing everyone around her.
Clerk: Because our administration doesn’t support us in trying to keep the Library quiet. To them, her rights override yours.
Lady: That’s fucked up.
Clerk: Yes. Yes, it is.
Overheard in the Library #5:
Supervisor: You aren’t doing that right.
Clerk: Oh?
Supervisor: Yes. You pick up the book with your right hand, then place it on the pad.
Clerk: But it’s easier for me to use my left…
Supervisor: No! You need to do things the right way.
Clerk: <incoherent grumblings>
Overheard in the Library #6:
Rich Lady: Did you know my husband is impotent?
Clerk: ….Really?
Rich Lady: Yes. Sometimes I miss my ex. He was much better in bed.
Clerk: …Ok. These books are due on June 6th.
Here’s how my day started out :
Anyone want a cat?
Carson and Co. wish you all a Happy 2008!
I get one day off this week, so I will be spending it watching several movies from the library. We started Following Sean which is a followup movie to a documentary filmed in the ’60s about a four year old named Sean who has hippie parents and has the run of the Haight, talking about eating pot and pondering why the police hastle his family so much. The film maker finds Sean 27 years later to see if he turned into a crackhead or an investment banker. I thought I’d enjoy it because I adore the Up Series and this seemed to be similar, but for some reason I’m not all that interested in the ’60s lore. Maybe it’s because my parents pointed out Bealtes songs to me every single time they played on the radio. Maybe it’s because I secretly resent baby boomers. In any case, I wasn’t digging this film. So now we are watching The Great Ziegfeld with William Powell and Myrna Loy. Or so I’ve been told… We’re about two hours into this three-plus hour film and we have yet to see the fabulous Myrna Loy, so I don’t see how she get’s second billing after Mr. Powell. I keep asking Linsey to fast forward and find me some Myrna, but she just ignores my pleas. Oh, wait, she just came on, and she’s blond. WTF… Don’t mess with a classic, people! I forgive them because Powell and Loy have such great chemistry together.
The films we will be watching tomorrow are Sicko, Of Human Bondage, My Mother’s Castle, Time to Leave, and The History Boys.
I better win a prize for this.
I promise that after this month I will only write posts of substance, when I am not too tired to think.
Dearest Linsey,
I’m sorry you’re not feeling well tonight, and that the cats won’t leave you alone for two minutes, and that Heather got sent home on ANTM. That really bummed me out, too. There are days where I wonder if I too have Asperger’s or something similar since I’m much more comfortable with my animals than with people. I’m also sorry that I am getting tired of this NaBloPoMo posting. Ten years working at my job has caused all of my creative juices to ooze out of my ear, and I think I saw Harlow licking them up earlier.
I hope that I can help you realize all of your wishes and dreams. That would make me the happiest.
Love, Janie
This is me and my friend’s daughter over a decade ago. The one-year-old above is now a loving and caring eleven-year-old who is turning more into a teenager each time I see her, but who never fails to warm my heart. She is the reason I want to have kids. People used to ask, “So, when are you having one?” I’d gesture to Chloe and say, “When this one’s old enough to babysit.” So get ready, Chloe: you owe Auntie Janie at least four years of babysitting. Add to that the years of putting up with your mother and we’ll be even (love you, Shanaynay!).
Here are some pictures I wanted to share with you because they make me smile. These were all taken in April of 2001, my last trip abroad.
This is a castle in Alacante, Spain. Don’t ask me what it’s called because I don’t remember:
We followed this road through the windy streets of the town and up through the trees until the path stopped abruptly, with no way to get up to the castle. We ended up climbing up this hill and literally scaling the walls to get in. It turned out there was an elevator that brought you to the castle from street level, and that is where you pay your entrance fee. No one seemed to care that we totally broke their castle’s defenses.
This is Shaelah pretending to pose for a picture, when in reality we were trying to get a picture of these hot (H-O-T) security guards:
They’re standing in that doorway to the left. We were tempted to break some of the artwork displayed so they would have to arrest and hopefully frisk us, but common sense (maybe-getting-arrested-in-a-foreign-country-isn’t-such-a-good-idea-no-matter-how-
hot-those-ladies-are) won out in the end.
This is one of the wild monkeys of Gibraltar:
Two minutes later, this cute little guy ran over and bit some little blond girl out of nowhere. In the monkey’s defense, the little blond girl was really fucking annoying, and if the monkey hadn’t bitten her, I would have.
Here is one of my favorite pictures from Tangier, Morocco:
We were greeted by rich, beautiful colors at every turn, which contrasted nicely with the different shades of beige painted on most buildings.